


When You're Gone

by bringmesomepie



Series: In the Spirit of Song [15]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Art Teacher Dean Winchester, BAMF Castiel, BAMF Sam Winchester, Character Death, Crying Dean, Dean Cooks, Dean in Denial, Emotions, F/M, Feels, Gen, I'm Sorry, I'm sorry i cried when i wrote this, M/M, Math Teacher Castiel, Protective Sam Winchester, Song fic, Tearjerker, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-21 16:27:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3699089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bringmesomepie/pseuds/bringmesomepie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I've never felt this way before<br/>Everything that I do reminds me of you<br/>And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor<br/>And they smell just like you,<br/>I love the things that you do</p><p>~When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne</p>
            </blockquote>





	When You're Gone

Sam thought things were going to be different. First off he didn’t think this should have happened. Second he thought some people would have acted different. He just thought things were supposed to be different.

He walked up to Dean. “How are you doing?”

“I’m ok, Sammy. Thanks.” Dean nodded.

“If you ever wanna talk about anything, but hesitate to call me.”

Dean showed a hint of a smile. “Thanks again, Sammy, but I’m ok.”

“I know, but Dean, you’re going through a hard time, we all are, but you lost your best friend, your husband…I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through.”

“What happened to Cas; happened. The last thing I wanna do is revisit that memory.” Dean started to walked away. “I’m gonna head home. See ya later, Sammy.”

_**& *^%$#$%^&*(&^%$#@$%^&*()** _

_**A Week Later…** _

“That looks good. Trying adding a shadow across her shoulder.” Dean pointed as he walked through his classroom. It was the first class of the day and he was still waking up. He watched all of his beginning art student draw their assignments. Some of them he knew were going to continue with art classes and other he knew this was just a place filler but he didn’t care. It was his first day back from his little leave.

He did his attendance and helped a few kids out when he saw the door open and the principal peeked his head in. “Mr. Winchester? May I have a word?”

Dean stood and walked out of the room. “What can I do for you, Mr. Shurley?”

“I thought I told you, you could have all the time you needed off within reason?” He crossed his arms over his chest.

“Yes, sir. I took the time off I needed to grief and now I’m back and ready to work.”

“Dean, it’s been a week and a half since he passed. We’ve worked together for almost 15 years and been good friend for longer than that. I know you well enough to know that Cas meant everything to you. No one is forcing you to be here. Take another week or two off.”

“Chuck, I want to be here.”

“Take the next two weeks off, Dean. It’s a paid leave. I already have Charlie coming in to fill in for you while you’re gone.”

“Bur Chuck, I’m fine.” Dean said.

“Just take two weeks off, Dean.” Chuck placed his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Charlie should be here in 5 minutes.”

_**& ^%$#@$%^&*()*&^%$#$%^&*(** _

There was a knock on the door. How did everyone know he was home at this time? He gripped the door knob and turned it. It was Sam and Jess. “Hi guys, why aren’t you at work?”

“It’s our lunch break and we thought you could use some company.” Jess beamed a smile.

Dean shook his head as they entered his house. “No, guys, you don’t have to, really. I’m fine.”

“No, silly, I’m going to make my brother-in-law some lunch. They say the best thing to help a grieving friend is a good home cooked meal.” Jess smiled.

“Jess, Sam. I did my grieving. I’m done grieving. I’m ok, really. You don’t have to do anything for me.”

“Dean, would you let someone be nice to you for one minute?” Sam asked.

“No…I would be at work right now if Chuck didn’t force me to go home for another two weeks. Please, just go back to work. It’s a nice gesture, Jess, but I really just want to be alone for right now, where no one can tell me how I feel.”

“Well, ok…” Jess hugged Dean tight. “Call us anytime.”

“Will do, Jess. Thank you.”

Sam and Jess left the house and Dean sank down into the couch and flipped on the TV.

_*** &^%$#@$%^&*(&^%$#$%^&*(** _

“I don’t know, Ellen. He’s pretty set on telling everyone that he is ok or fine.” Sam took a sip of his beer.

“Maybe it’s for the best that we let Dean be for a little while. He’s open up when he feels the time is right.” Ellen explained.

“I just…I can’t imagine what it feels like to lose a spouse. Dean lost the love of his life. He lost the man he had been married to for over 15 years. How Dean is able to function or walk around with a shirt and attachable arms is beyond me.”

“He’ll come around, Sam.”

Sam nodded. “I’m going over to his house later tonight. It’s movie night and it Dean wants everything to be normal, I guess movie night is still on.”

“Don’t start anything, Samuel.” Ellen mothered.

“Yes, m’am.”

_*** &^%$#@$%^&*()(*&^%$#** _

Dean opened the door. “Sam? What are you doing here?”

“It’s movie night. Remember? I skipped last week because I thought you needed your space, so this week if you say that you’re fine than we have movie night.” He smiled.

“Can’t argue with that logic.” Dean half smiled and stepped back to let his brother in.

They looked through the movie and all of the good one weren’t on the shelf. “Dude, how bout Star Trek?” Sam asked.

“Alright, let me get it, it’s in the bedroom.” Dean padded off to the bedroom. Sam watched and saw Dean stopped right before the door and slowly lifted his foot and stretched it forward to take step but then retreated.

Sam stood and slowly walked over to his brother who was still standing in the doorway. He stood behind his brother and looked inside the room. The bed was perfectly made and the room was neat. It had the feel and look like no one had been in there in days.

Dean didn’t cry at the funeral or any time after that…until right at that moment. Two weeks after Cas passed. Sam touched Dean’s shoulder. “Come on , Dean. Let’s pick a different movie.”

“I haven’t been able to sleep in my own bed.” Dean admitted.

“It’s ok, Dean. You don’t have to say anything.”

“I can’t sleep in my bed because I hog the sheet and spread out and then I would ruin Cas’s side. He fold the sheet a certain way where he give the corners this sharp point that he never taught me how to do, so that would be ruined. I can’t wear certain clothes cause he bought them for me and I can’t even look at my phone cause my wallpaper is a picture of his face. I can’t change my wallpaper because that means getting over it…and I can’t…”

“It’s ok—“

“NO! It’s not ok! I thought I was ok and could handle it, but I can’t! I was numb, but now it hurts. I got in my car this morning and mine and his song came on the radio and I had to pull over and turn my car off and walk away. I made coffee this morning for two people and not one. I start making Cas’s coffee like I always did. A half cup of coffee, ¼ of the cup of French vanilla creamer and two spoonfuls of sugar. It was Thursday today so this morning a made our normal French toast, I hate the stuff but eat it cause Cas loves it…”

“Dean…”

“Since it was Thursday I order me and Cas’s normal lunch and I bought his normal lunch…but he wasn’t there. Someone called and left a message and I heard the answering machine…. _”Hi this is Dean and Castiel Winchester, we can’t come to the phone right now, because we’re too busy ignoring your calls.’_ It’s stupid, but it made him laugh.” Dean took a shaky breath through his tears and continued. “I can still smell him. I’ll be on the couch and I swear I smell his cologne or his hair spray.”

Sam felt his heart breaking as Dean’s was falling to pieces before his eyes. “Dean, it’s ok…”

“NO! IT’S NOT OK! IT’LL NEVER BE OK! His Bible is still on the coffee table. His shoes are still at the back door. His…his trenchcoat is still on the coat rack. His fucking toothbrush is still in the bathroom. They are all haunting me. Everywhere I turn there is something of Cas’s staring at me. I want to be about to just curl up with him in bed. I want to be able to tell him I love him one more time. I miss him so much.” Dean collapsed to his knees and held his head in his hands.

Sam dropped down to his knees and rubbed Dean’s back as he cried. “Nobody knew that was going to happen, Dean. I know you would have done anything to keep him safe.”

“I couldn’t safe him, I couldn’t reach him. I didn’t know if he was dead or alive. I was stuck in my art room with my students when the school shooter fired the first bullet. Little did I know that bullet was aimed at an innocent student and Cas jumped in front of the bullet. It was one bullet.”

“Cas saved peoples lives, Dean.” Sam reinsured.

“I thought it was going to be like the movies, where no one get hurts and the shooter is arrested. When we got all the students out and then all the teachers and I didn’t find Cas…I was terrified. When they found his body and told me… it hurt…when he died a part of me died with him.” Dean paused for a moment and sobbed hard into his hands. “I never get to see him again. I’ll never talk to him again. I want to tell him I love him one more time just so he can hear it. I wanna heat his laugh one more time. Hell, I’ll take just one more stupid fight with him. But I can’t, he’s gone…he’s gone and never coming back, ever.”

Sam continued to rub Dean’s back. “If it means anything to you….i miss him too. He introduced me to Jess. He helped me with my math homework.”

Dean gave a light smirked through his river of tears. “Cas’s was one hellva math teacher. It was a gift.”

“He loved you, Dean. It might not have been his last words to you, but he definitely from the bottom of his heart loved you more than anything.”

Dean sniffed and looked at his brother. “Thank you, Sammy.”

He straightened up on his knees and Sam gave his brother a big strong reinsured hug. “You’re going to be ok. I’m here for you.”

“Thank you, Sammy. I just hope that Cas is looking down at me from Heaven and shaking his head because I’m breaking my own rule about no chick flick moments.”

Sam laughed and wiped the tears from his eyes. “I thought you didn’t believe in religion thing. It was the one thing you and Cas fought over.”

Dean sniffed and wiped his eyes. “These past two weeks I have been doing things I don’t normally do to keep my mind off things so what just happened wouldn’t happen…I read the Bible and read all of Cas’s notes in the margins and I really understood why Cas was so passionate about this stuff. Also, with all that has happened I just hope there is such thing as a better place cause that’s where Cas needs to be since he’s a hero.”

“Get some rest, Dean.” Sam nodded.

“Sammy?”

“It’s ok, to sleep in the bed, Dean. Cas would want you to ruined the sheets.”

  _ *******_


End file.
